Rumor
by daringu
Summary: (I x lots of people, silly, choose-your-own-ending) There's a rumor travelling around Fukuoka...about Ilpalazzo.


"Rumor"  
  
By A.Hahn  
  
IxNearly Everyone  
  
I take no responsibility for this. Hee. ^^ I know Elgara and Key never meet, and I don't really care. ^_^  
  
---------------------  
  
Elgara giggled, struggling to button her shirt that wouldn't stay buttoned in certain chest areas. Most of Elgara's shirts wouldn't.  
  
"I heard that, apparently..."   
  
Excel lashed out and smacked Elgara's arm, causing the taller girl to break the button off the shirt.  
  
"Ilpalazzosama would never do such a thing!"  
  
Excel fought to contain the blush that rapidly spread across her face. Letting out such an emotion in front of Elgara was unforgivable.  
  
"Miss Ayasugi! You look lost," Watanabe said, popping the umbrella open above his stringy black hair. "Don't you have an umbrella?"   
  
Without waiting for a response, he gently placed a hand on her side, herding her under his umbrella. He nearly died from shock when she didn't push him away.  
  
"Oh, Mr. Watanabe," she said. Her eyes had their usual glazed quality. "I was simply thinking of something I heard today about my boss that is quite puzzling."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Hey, I heard you walked to work with that Ayasugi girl today," said Iwata, elbowing Watanabe in the side. "So now you two have gone from Barely Speaking to Somewhat Speaking, eh?"  
  
There was a second's pause, and then Watanabe's hand ground Iwata's head into the table.   
  
"For your INFORMATION, BLOCKHEAD, we were talking about serious things, like how rain is bad, and, er, um-"  
  
"Sounds very intelligent," said Misaki, not bothering to look up from the papers in front of her. Watanabe risked a second's glare in her direction.  
  
"-we were discussing how she heard something distressing about her boss at work! Yeah, she said that apparently he-"  
  
  
  
Momochi and Misaki sat at one of the plain plastic tables in the cafeteria, picking out of their bento boxes.  
  
"I don't know how you deal with those goons," said Momochi, and slid a fish into her mouth.  
  
Misaki sighed, leaning her arm against the table and her head against her palm.  
  
"I don't know either. Sometimes, though, they have amusing things to say. Apparently, Watanabe's Miss Ayasugi heard an interesting rumor about her boss..."  
  
  
  
"Anything interesting going on among our young city defenders?" Kabapu said to Momochi inbetween bites of cigar.   
  
"The usual, sir...according to Misaki, they're fighting among themselves like hamsters with teeth growing into their brain over a toothing block."  
  
Kabapu nodded. "Interesting metaphor. Anything in particular about the people they associate with? The Enemy?"  
  
"There was something about that Miss Ayasugi of Watanabe's, apparently she was very distressed this morning because-"  
  
Kabapu choked on his cigarette and Momochi had to give him the heimleich maneuver. Needless to say, he enjoyed it.  
  
In the sewers of Fukuoka, Ilpalazzo sat on his chair as per usual. He seemed pensive, had his hand to chin with one finger extended. He didn't move when his three subordinates came into the cavern, each in her own way: Hyatt limping, Excel jumping up and down, and Elgara striding. He probably didn't move because he had fallen asleep.  
  
"Heil Ilpalazzo!"  
  
The shrill tone of the exclaimation made him jerk up, wide awake, and quickly regain composure. Luckily, none of the girls particularly paid attention, as Excel and Elgara were already in a fight about who was a better soldier.   
  
Hyatt collapsed onto a few encrusted blood stains and a new stream of blood leaked out of her mouth.  
  
"Ilpalazzosama, there's something we'd like to ask-" began Elgara, before Excel ran up behind her and smashed a hand on top of her mouth.  
  
Ilpalazzo fingered a rope that had lowered down from out of the ceiling. Elgara kicked Excel in the shins and the girl in green collapsed onto the floor, clutching her leg.  
  
"There's somehing I would like to ask, if certain ruffians would let me," Elgara continued, glaring at Excel, who was mumbling apologies to Ilpalazzosama and God and then apologizing again because yes, she knew that in fact they were the same being.  
  
"There have been reports from Hyatt of strange noises coming out of your habitation in the Fortress at night. Does our Lord have a certain special someone?" she said, batting her eyelashes.  
  
SD-MANDA Here's the point where it gets fun, and you choose your own ending.  
  
( for the realist)  
  
There was no audible response from the Fuhrer, only a slight hand gesture.  
  
The three ACROSS girls found themselves, after a long fall, face to face with unfriendly aquamarine creatures.  
  
( for the I/E enthusiast )  
  
Excel's cheeks were very, very red.  
  
Ilpalazzo held up his copy of the ACROSS handbook (circa 1997, written/published by one I. Palazzo).  
  
"There is no rule that forbids sexual relations with another member," he said.   
  
Excel's nose spurted blood and Elgara connected her first with Excel's face. Excel's nose just spurted more blood.  
  
( for the yaoi enthusiast )  
  
  
  
There was no audible response from the Fuhrer, only a slight hand gesture.  
  
The three ACROSS girls found themselves, after a long fall, face to face with unfriendly aquamarine creatures.  
  
"It's acceptable to come out now, Key," Ilpalazzo said, and the visual kei rockstar slid out from behind the big chair.  
  
"I almost thought the angels would figure us out," Key said, nodding his sparkling hair down at the open pit.  
  
"You were too loud last night," said Ilpalazzo in monotone, and Key edged closer.  
  
Shortly after, the two made excellent use of the big chair.  
  
( for the I/H enthusiast )  
  
Ilpalazzo held up his copy of the ACROSS handbook (circa 1997, written/published by one I. Palazzo).  
  
"There is no rule that forbids sexual relations with another member," he said.   
  
Excel and Elgara locked each other in a fierce glare, edged closer to each other, and shouted "Is it you?!" when their faces were an inch apart.  
  
In the same instant they both turned and looked at their fallen comrade on the floor.  
  
Ilpalazzo shrugged.  
  
"She manages to stay alive long enough."  
  
( and more, more 3vil )  
  
  
  
There was no audible response from the Fuhrer, only a slight hand gesture.  
  
The three ACROSS girls found themselves, after a long fall, face to face with unfriendly aquamarine creatures.  
  
A digitized version of Ken Hirai's "Strawberry Sex" echoed throughout the hall.  
  
"Hello? Oh, yes, Kabapu, tonight would be lovely..."  
  
THE END!! ( (Elgara doesn't get any ^^) 


End file.
